My wife and I have been married for just a few years. Early in our marriage I started chatting with a female acquaintance, and things got verbally sexual and eventually led to sexual pictures between the other woman and me…. We’ve gone through marriage counseling … I’m ashamed of the photos and don’t want to see them, let alone have my wife keep them…. When my wife is mad at me, she changes her lock-screen image to one of the photos…. I’ve felt emotionally abused by my wife … I love her. I don’t think it’s a very healthy relationship, but it’s what I’ve got. I feel that her keeping the photos is a way to keep her power over me. I know I was wrong in the past and would like to move forward, but I find it difficult when my wife keeps the photos. Should I confront my wife or just let it be?
I’m concerned about several things here.
First, the phrasing, “things got verbally sexual and eventually led to sexual pictures,” sounds extremely wishy washy. Did you, or did you not, have an extramarital affair? Did you, or did you not, exchange nude pictures with someone who wasn’t your wife? Why is it so difficult for you just to state what it is that you did?
Second, you seem consumed by shame and guilt, but you don’t state anywhere that you have apologized explicitly and directly to your wife. I find that when I’ve done something wrong, a clear apology is a good first step towards correcting the damage.
Third, you’re letting your wife manipulate you emotionally, and you should have learned not to let anyone do that to you when you were an adolescent, so that you could teach it to your own children in adulthood – so I hope you don’t have children unto whom you’re supposed to be imparting important life lessons.
Fourth, your wife is manipulating you emotionally, so after you’ve apologized to her, you should tell her to knock it off and make sure she understands that she should either accept your apology and move on, end the relationship altogether, or figure out what it’s going to take to “work through it.”
Fifth, you don’t think your marriage is “a very healthy relationship [I agree – it’s not], but it’s what [you’ve] got”? Doesn’t that strike you as rather pathetic? Are you doing any favors to your wife, or to your relationship with her, by making yourself seem so unattractive?
Stop being a crybaby about the damn pictures. Apologize to your wife. Make sure she understands that this episode is in the past, or ending soon. If you show sincere contrition, but she’s not interested in making amends, then the relationship might just be beyond repair. And that happens in relationships – in fact, it happens in most relationships. Be prepared to move on – and note that that will mean being a better man before you can ever hope to be attractive to women.
I have been divorced for many years. My ex-husband is now married to a dentist. As part of our divorce agreement, I am responsible for the children’s health insurance, including dental coverage…. I bought health insurance for myself and my children but did not purchase dental insurance…. The dental practice my daughter visits is her stepmother’s office. When my ex-husband sent me the bill for this visit, which came to $400, I asked if the visit could be postdated by just a day, so I could submit it for insurance. He told me that doing so was illegal and that I needed to pay, and that he didn’t appreciate the fact that I didn’t have any dental coverage…. Do I pay it just to make it go away or try again to reason with my ex-husband and his wife to please drop these fees?
You took a moderate sized risk, attempting to save money on dental insurance, and the risk backfired. You owe $400. Pay it.
Do not commit insurance fraud. Do not try to get your daughter, ex-husband, or ex-husband’s new wife to help you to commit insurance fraud. Do not try to use your daughter to guilt your ex-husband or his new wife. Do not pass Go or collect $200.